Regrets
by XGxL4evaX
Summary: "Oh, Gray..." He had always been too trusting for his own good.


Regrets are common in life.

Everyone has them. You'd have to be a hypocrite if you don't have a single regret.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering, how it would've been if I'd taken another path. A path where I'd have been Lucy Fullbuster, not Lucy Dragneel.

Natsu's a good man. A very good man, actually. He takes very good care of me and our child. But every time I look at them I just can't seem to make myself care about them.

I'm not like other mothers or wives who get dead worried if their spouse or child does not get back before midnight. Quite the contrary, actually. Sometimes, I find myself _wishing _that something would happen to them, so I could cross the other path I really regret not taking. The path where I'm Lucy Fullbuster.

I love Gray Fullbuster. I've always had. Even if it was a flicker of attraction I had for him many years ago. It took me a few years after my marriage with Natsu to figure out that I had foolishly latched on to the wrong guy.

But it was too late by then. Gray had gone with Juvia, and they looked so truly happy that I felt jealous. Very, very jealous.

If I look at it from another person's point of view, I have a life that many people would love to have. A handsome man who loves me more than anything else, a healthy pretty baby girl who just turned four, great friends, and me being the holder of all twelve zodiac keys.

But I don't feel happy. Whenever I look at my husband, child and friends, I just don't care about them. I only care about one person : Gray Fullbuster.

I love him. I can't label my feelings for him as love. It's neither romantic or platonic. It's greater than that. I doubt there's a word that transcends 'love' in Japanese. Or English for that matter.

I love him despite all his flaws. He is very dense, and doesn't know a thing about love, but your flaws and merits are what makes you who you are. And I like Gray just the way he is.

I don't want him to change. But he has changed ever since he went with Juvia. The hatred I have for Juvia is more than the hatred she had possessed for me when she thought I was stealing her 'Gray-sama'. In fact, what I feel towards Juvia is the polar opposite of what I feel for Gray.

I'd have made him happier than Juvia. I can that see he's slowly getting annoyed of her now because she's always going around the Guild boasting about how she's two months pregnant. It has gradually increased to nine months. Just a month left for the baby. But not if I have anything to do with it. I will do something to stop that wretch from giving birth to Gray's child.

She does not deserve the privilege of carrying Gray's child. I have a plan sorted out already, but it's too important to write it in this diary.

I'm confident that I deserve to be his wife. I've known him longer than Juvia, and I'm sure he still harbors some feelings for me. I even spend more time with him than he does with Juvia, because whenever she has a mission, Gray always visits my house. We talk and talk and talk for hours sometimes.

Our relationship maybe seen as completely platonic by the others, but I don't feel that way. I haven't confessed to him yet because him, being too loyal, might not leave Juvia and betray his best friend, my husband like that.

That and maybe what if he feels for me does not transcend mere friendship? Then he would shun me and the façade of the loving mother, wife and figure that people look up to would come crumbling down.

So I'll keep these feelings concealed. Hidden from everyone but this diary. He nor anyone will ever know of the monster I have become.

_May 10, X778_

_Lucy Heartfilia_

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸, ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,

With shaking fingers, Gray closed the diary and gripped it tightly. He was still in shock after reading his best friend's inner most secrets.

"Gray? Are you in here?"

Gray turned around, his face pale, his hand still gripping the book. He studied Lucy's kind, innocent expression. He found it hard to believe this was the same woman who wrote yesterday's entry.

Lucy frowned disapprovingly at him and put her hands on her hips. "Gray, have you been reading my diary?!"

Gray eyed her wearily. "Lucy, are you happy here? Is something wrong with you and Natsu?"

"Of course I'm happy, why-" her eyes widened in realization. "You read yesterday's entry didn't you?"

"Y-yes, but-"

To his surprise, she let out a mirthful laugh. "Gray, did you really believe what I wrote in that? You know that I love to write as a hobby!" she exclaimed, stifling giggles.

Gray immediately brightened up. What was he thinking? Lucy, whom he had known for over a twelve years, would never be like that. He grinned sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that, Luce! I thought-"

Lucy waved it off. "Well, enough about that! Why don't we go out? Let's go to that new cafe, Ice Forever. How does shaved ice sound?"

Gray grinned. "Great! But I'm still sorry for doubting you like that..."

She smiled. "Don't worry about it, Gray." She pressed. "I should thank you, actually. You just complimented me! If it was that convincing, then it means that I'm a good author."

Gray laughed. "You must be."

"Now get out!" She shoved him out playfully. "I have to freshen up and change."

After Gray left the room, a wide smile split across her face as she took the diary and opened the page to yesterday's entry.

"Oh, Gray..."

He had always been too trusting for his own good.

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸, ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,

A/N : I just had to try something in this genre! xD I really love horror but unfortunately, there aren't many horror stories in Gray lu fandom... v.v Anyway, review please! ^O^


End file.
